<!DOCTYPE html>
<html>
<head>
<meta charset="UTF-8">
<title>Running Blind In The Dark by sixsevenmactruck</title>
<style type="text/css">

body { background-color: #ffffff; }
.CI {
text-align:center;
margin-top:0px;
margin-bottom:0px;
padding:0px;
}
.center   {text-align: center;}
.cover    {text-align: center;}
.full     {width: 100%; }
.quarter  {width: 25%; }
.smcap    {font-variant: small-caps;}
.u        {text-decoration: underline;}
.bold     {font-weight: bold;}
</style>
</head>
<body>
<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/29480484">Running Blind In The Dark</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/sixsevenmactruck/pseuds/sixsevenmactruck'>sixsevenmactruck</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Men's Hockey RPF</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Developing Relationship, Explicit Language, F/M, Graphic Description, National Hockey League, One Night Stands, Sex, yeah there's gonna be some porn</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-02-16</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-03-24</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-15 22:46:29</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>4</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>17,380</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/29480484</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/sixsevenmactruck/pseuds/sixsevenmactruck</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Emilie Monaghan, after a night out with her friends in Pittsburgh, finds herself hooking up with a guy she met at a club. Unbeknownst to her, he happens to be a member of the Winnipeg Jets. One night stands are never supposed to become anything more. As time passes, Emilie can't shake off the feelings she has somehow developed for him. He might just have fallen into the very same pit of feelings.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Brandon Tanev/OC</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>7</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>11</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. We Get Lost In Each Other's Eyes</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>I'm going to be that person that writes the hetero Tanev fic sorry. I do not claim any of the featured characters except for the original characters, and some details will be accurate to real life timeline. I may or may not include the existence of COVID, that will be decided later I suppose. Not really sure how long this will end up being but hopefully if you like the first part enough to come back again. The title is taken from a Kodaline song, "Wherever You Are".</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The door to his room at the Fairmont flung open, your two bodies fumbling, silhouetted from the light in the hall. As the door closed behind you, darkness filled the room. All the while your lips never separated from his. He pushed further into the room towards you. Your leg hit the corner of the desk in the room while he tried to guide you to the bed and you inhaled sharply.</p>
<p>“Fuck, you okay?”, he breathed. He must have felt the jolt and immediately reached one hand down to the back of your upper thigh, the other cupping your face. Just a few strands of your brown waves caught between his fingertips. He froze for a moment, breathless, to wait for your reply.</p>
<p>“Desk…..I’m fine”, you answered between desperate attempts to get him to start making out with you again and continue on. You felt him relax and his hand quickly slid up your leg to rest on your rear. His lips moved with yours again as you unwrapped your hands from behind his head to unbutton his shirt. He didn’t waste any time, you could hear the buttons of his shirt popping open and the clatter of him unclasping his belt buckle. You then pulled the zipper down on the back of your jumpsuit. Yanking the sleeves to the side and down the length of your arms, you barely rid the garment from your body when he pushed you backwards onto the bed. At this point, your eyes started to adjust to the room, as some of the Pittsburgh city lights softly glowed through the curtains on the window.</p>
<p>He was hungry for you. What was his name? Brandon? You vaguely remember him telling you back at that nightclub after he talked you up at the bar. He had found you on the dance floor later on, which is when things had begun to heat up.</p>
<p>You laid on the bed as this man - whose name you believed to be Brandon - took one more brief moment to get his pants all the way off and kick them off to the side. Suddenly there was warmth radiating over your torso as he leaned forward over you, putting his hands on your bare midsection for the first time and running them along every inch of you that he could. He brought his legs up to kneel on the bed over your body, planting several kisses onto your lips and trailing them down your neck, chest, and abdomen. You reached your arm up to run your fingers through his hair.</p>
<p>He connected back up to your lips, and slid his arms under your back, pulling you up into a sitting position. That’s when the clasp on your bra came undone, and you threw the garment across the room. No sooner then were his hands trailing back around to your breasts, and he pushed his hands against you, feeling you up. You broke the kiss and tilted your head back. A pleasured sigh escaped your lips and you slithered your hands around the back of Brandon’s neck, and he kissed your neck as he continued to squeeze at your chest.</p>
<p>The kissing continued and soon his hands found their way to your ass, and he lifted you up off the bed. Your legs wrapped around his waist and he turned around, and you could feel his hard length along your thigh. Both of your bodies were consumed by the feeling of this skin on skin contact and you tried to stay as close to each other as you physically could. He set you down on the ground; the only thing left on each of your bodies was your underwear, and you both quickly pulled them down your legs and off.</p>
<p>The lust between the two of you was absolutely real, but there was a part of you that had hesitated for a few seconds. It wasn’t typical of you to go with a man to his hotel room, especially a man you had never met before, and you didn’t want to be ‘that’ type of a woman. But the two of you had had enough to drink that there wasn’t a lot of thinking going on behind the decision to leave the club together and share an Uber back to his hotel. The two of you made out during the entire ride, but he had a clear mind enough to ask you to stay off of him once you arrived. It sounded like there was someone with him at the hotel that he didn’t want seeing the two of you going together to his room and wouldn’t allow this sort of thing to go on. That’s when the hesitation hit you. All of the impeding thoughts left your mind once his hands were on you again outside the door of his hotel room.</p>
<p>Brandon closed the space between the two of you once again, and landed a soft, more tender kiss on your lips, which released a shiver all over your body. His erection was just barely touching you, and it drove you crazy, so this time you hooked your hand on the back of his neck and pulled him towards you. You both fell onto the bed once more, and he propped himself up with an arm to hover over you. He began to kiss you down your stomach closer to your entrance, placing one on the inside of each thigh right on your edge. You opened your legs to signal to him that you were ready. His tongue plunged into your crease, came up, and started to tease your clit.</p>
<p>“Holy fuckin’ shit”, you breathed, taking another handful of his hair as he tasted you. You were already wet, but having him suck on you down there felt ethereal and you decided that waiting for his dick was worth it.</p>
<p>After a short while, he stopped sucking on you. You were so close already that you complained with a pouty moan. Your eyes were closed from the pleasure and you heard the sound of a packet ripping open. A condom, thank god. It took a few extra moments since he was still a little drunk to put on the condom but soon you felt him right there, and he leaned forward on one arm, to kiss you, and used his other hand to guide him to your entrance. And then he slowly pushed himself inside.</p>
<p>——————————————————————</p>
<p>Your eyes cracked open as a sliver of sunlight fell onto your face through the curtains. Lifting up your head, you looked around the room. It looked like a hotel room. Oh…yeah. Last night was spent almost entirely in the dark, so you hadn’t really known what the room looked like, not that you had any reason to pay attention to it anyways. It was a pretty standard hotel room. It had nicer fixtures and decor than an ordinary hotel room, from what you could tell in the illumination from the window. There were lots of sleek, shiny white and brushed steel surfaces, A gourmet coffee machine sat on the desk, and a giant flat screen hung on the wall in front of a loveseat sofa. </p>
<p>Among all the rooms furniture, there was still all of his personal belongings set up on the loveseat - just a small carry-on sized bag with the top open, some toiletries sitting strewn about the clothing. Your own things were set up nicely on the TV stand and your jumpsuit and undergarments were draped nicely over the desk chair. Sitting up, you turned to face the outside-facing wall. You remembered the curtains being open last night. Brandon must have closed them, but not enough to keep the morning light all the way out. You looked down and the other half of the bed was empty. Surely it had been rested in, as the pillows were pressed and irregular, and the sheets edge was folded over as if someone had just risen out of them. The clock on the nightstand next to the wall read 9:53 am. Since his things were still in the room, you knew he’d be back eventually and you really didn’t want to stick around for that.</p>
<p>You were happy for Brandon having closed the curtains this morning, as you got out of bed nude. Your thighs ached with your first steps towards the bathroom. After using the toilet you hopped into the shower to freshen up. About five minutes later you emerged, with a towel wrap on your hair. You started a coffee in the machine and quickly threw on your clothes while it brewed. You had no idea when Brandon left this morning, so you didn’t know how soon he’d be coming back. The memory of the previous night was just as foggy this morning as it had been last night when you were wracking your brain to be sure that this guy’s name was even Brandon at all, so you couldn’t track in your conversation with him what he said he was in town for. He was here for work, you had gathered, not a tourist or visiting family. You hoped to God that this wasn’t a situation where he was cheating on a girlfriend or wife, if he had one, while he was out of town. A one night stand was innocent enough, if one could call that innocent, but you didn’t want to be that girl that slept with a cheater. Despite your concerns, you realized you may never even see this guy again, and pushed those thoughts far to the back of your mind as you grabbed your coffee. Taking a swig, you draped your purse over your shoulder, picked up your phone, and headed out the door.</p>
<p>Once in the lobby, you checked your phone screen to find 17 messages and 53 missed calls from your friends that had been with you at the club last night. You had left them in such a rush once Brandon had suggested that the two of you leave together. Your friends were aware that you were going with him, but had much concern since you had just met him and didn’t want you to get murdered. You swiped across a missed call notification from your friend Hailey to call her up, and brought your phone up to your ear.</p>
<p>“JESUS, Emilie,” Hailey yelped on the other end. “I’m glad you finally stopped sucking that guy’s dick long enough to call me.” You threw your head back to laugh out loud.</p>
<p>“Good morning, Hailey,” you replied. “I needed rest after my activities last night.” You heard her sigh.</p>
<p>“I’m just happy to hear your voice. I didn’t think he was any harm to you when you left last night but I can still be worried.” What did she mean that she didn’t think he was any harm? You stepped outside into the bright city street, squinting your eyes to look around, and finally settled to lean up against the glass wall of the building. “By the way, how were your activities last night?” You grinned through the phone.</p>
<p>“Well, I’ll spare you the x-rated details, but it was fucking amazing,” you answered. “I know it was only a one night thing. But it just felt so…right. And his body, don’t get me started.”</p>
<p>“I would hope he’d have a nice body, for a professional athlete.”</p>
<p>“Wait, what?” Hailey was more into sports than you, so she had to be correct in her statement.</p>
<p>“Yeah,” she exclaimed. “I recognized him at the bar. He plays for the Winnipeg Jets, he’s not like a star player or anything though. They’re in town to play the Pens tonight.” That’s why he was in such good shape, and so good at fucking you last night. Did he do this in every city he traveled to? “Do you wanna go to the game with me tonight? I’ve got an extra ticket, Paul can’t go” she asked to break your train of thought. Paul was her kind of flaky boyfriend at the time.</p>
<p>“Huh? Oh, uh, sure,” you stammered. You did enjoy watching the hockey games, despite not really knowing a lot about it. Was it going to be weird if Brandon remembered you and saw you in the crowd? You thought so, but perhaps you were thinking too much into this. No, you definitely were thinking too much into it.</p>
<p>“So whatcha thinking,” Hailey cut you off mid-thought again.</p>
<p>“Oh, uh, I mean I can pick you up tonight then,” you suggested. “Game’s at 7?”</p>
<p>“Sounds good to me! Come by around 5:30 and we can go.” She hung up with that remark, and you had to laugh. She was not one with the best telephone manners. You rolled your eyes, and decided you should probably find a way home. You would have asked Hailey to get you but you knew she was at work. She was always at work, never working, usually taking an unauthorized phone break. Swiping over your phone apps, you opened Uber and requested your ride.</p>
<p>Your ride dropped you off at the corner store down the block from your apartment. You never gave your actual address as the drop off point for safety, especially when you were riding alone. Once the driver pulled away, you made the trek down the block and went inside your building. Still a little spent from last night, you flopped down on your bed as soon as you got inside your apartment and crashed for a few hours.</p>
<p>——————————————————</p>
<p>That evening, you walked into PPG Paints Arena with Hailey. It was the end of October, and there were plenty of fall colors still visible in the hills around the city in the waning daylight. Your  seats were in the lower bowl, so after security you both made your way to go up the escalators from the concourse at the team shop. You were each handed a game program when your tickets were scanned and headed to section 103. You began your descent down the stairs to your seat while Hailey stopped at a concession cart for a beer. Taking off your jacket, you draped it on the back of your seat and adjusted the hem of your shirt so it hung neatly around your torso. You had decided to go with an appropriate medium length black striped crop top and high waisted skinny jeans with white shoes. It was not your intention to dress for attention, as a lot of other girls would do, and you didn’t have a Penguins jersey to blend into the rest of the crowd. But you thought you would hide just enough to lessen the chance of being recognized by the man you slept with only the night before with the clothes that you had chosen.</p>
<p>Hailey arrived at your seats having obtained her beer. She sat next to you and opened up her game program, setting her drink in the cupholder briefly. Turning to the page with the Winnipeg roster on it, she scrolled her finger down the list of names until she landed on one in particular.</p>
<p>“Here,” she stated. “Brandon Tanev. That’s the guy, right?” There was no picture in the booklet for any of the players on the team and you didn’t know his last name.</p>
<p>“I’m ninety-nine percent sure that his name was Brandon, so, I guess?” Hailey slapped you playfully on the arm.</p>
<p>“What do you mean you guess,” she laughed. “This guy very likely it seems has put his dick in you and you aren’t totally solid on his first name?” You threw your head back and laughed out loud.</p>
<p>“Hailey, we were fucking drunk. We fucked drunk. It all could have been imaginary if I hadn’t woken up in a room that wasn’t my own this morning.” You paused. “I believe that was his name, Brandon.” The only other name close to Brandon on the roster was Brendan, which sounded wrong when you heard it in your head. Hailey suddenly threw her program down and whipped out her phone to open an image search. You knew what she was doing as soon as you glanced over to see her typing the guy’s name into the search bar.</p>
<p>Sure enough, there were photos of Brandon Tanev in front of your face.</p>
<p>“That’s definitely him,” she said knowingly. Before you could respond, you felt this weird sensation in the pit of your stomach when you saw his image. Like the super cliche you’re-in-love butterflies. The feeling wasn’t excessive, but the little bit that you experienced in that moment puzzled you, as you didn’t want or need to catch feelings for a guy that didn’t even know you and fucked you on a business trip. You also hadn’t seen this guy’s face since last night, so you had kind of forgotten what he looked like. Seeing it again sparked you.</p>
<p>While you and Hailey were in your own little bubble sleuthing the web to confirm that this was the guy from your one night stand, the arena around you was filling up, and the Jets began to take the ice for warmups. The Penguins in-arena announcer came on the PA and his voice boomed throughout the building to announce that the home team was coming out to begin their warmups. Many of the fans around you stood up to welcome the team onto the ice. Children with signs for their favorite players stood plastered to the glass at the rink level, hoping to catch a puck that would get tossed over the glass for them. A few Jets fans were peppered around the arena clapping for their own team.</p>
<p>You opened your program again to the Jets roster and scanned for Brandon’s name line again. Number thirteen. Fixing your eyes on the rink, you watched as Jets players whizzed by one by one, in circles, throwing pucks at their goalie. Number thirteen. You spotted him. He did some more rounds of this routine, skating almost a wide figure 8, and shooting at the net. Players started breaking off to do stretches after a few minutes. The visitors team bench was partially in your section and over to the right. Brandon approached the bench and swung his leg up on the boards for his stretches. You pretended like you weren’t actively trying to watch him, so you stared up at the Jumbotron, looked down at the Penguins end of the rink, looked at your phone, while stealing glances at him. Number thirteen. He did not wear his helmet out for the warmups, and after stretching he picked up a water bottle from inside the bench, taking some swigs and spraying his face and neck with water. He seemed to be very laser focused in his own little zone, not really looking around at anything outside the rink area.</p>
<p>When he set down the water bottle again, he began to turn back towards the end boards where the net was. His body swiveled in your direction to do so, and you saw his eyes flick up inconspicuously, scanning the crowd immediately in front of him as he went through his motion. His eyes hit you for a split second but kept moving, and you immediately pulled out your phone to look like you were using it. When you put your phone down and looked back at where he had been standing, he had moved his gaze back onto you, squinting ever so slightly to make sure he was seeing correctly. And there was that feeling again in your gut.</p>
<p>Brandon had then gone back to running his warmup drills until the remainder of the 20 minutes had passed, and left the ice promptly with his team. He had returned to his game mindset and didn’t pass another glance at you. There were a few more announcements in the building, and both teams took the ice again as the announcer welcomed the Penguins back for the start of the game. The anthems were sung, and the puck was dropped.</p>
<p>The game was pretty exciting, for your personal experience of watching hockey - which wasn’t a lot. Hailey was getting into it, yelling at the referees to get their eyes checked and screaming at the Penguins to shoot the puck when they were in against the Jets goalie. One of the Penguins, Conor Sheary, scored first to give the Penguins an early lead and the building erupted. Halfway through the first period, the Jets tied the game. About midway through the second period, the Penguins were on a power play. The Penguins had lost control of the puck and a Jets player sent the puck down the rink where they had a player breaking for the Penguins goal to try and score shorthanded.</p>
<p>Number thirteen.</p>
<p>Brandon was stopped by Murray, the Penguins goaltender, and the rebound got kicked out back into play for the Penguins. An audible sigh escaped your lips after the shot was stopped.</p>
<p>“Oh my god Emilie, are you cheering for him?”, Hailey asked playfully. You felt your face flush, and turned to Hailey, rolling your eyes.</p>
<p>“Well, I mean,” you remarked, chuckling. “He is hot, and I don’t have anything at stake here between the two teams. You know how much hockey I regularly watch.”</p>
<p>“You mean the one game a year I drag you to?” She smiled. “I’ll give it to you though, if this is what it takes for you to start liking sports.” As you looked back at Hailey, Brandon skated up towards the bench for a shift change. He turned his head and brought his eyes to where he had remembered seeing you before the game, squinting again. He swung his legs one at a time over the board to get back on the bench, sat down, and gave one more glimpse over his shoulder at you. Either time stood still or it was in fact a lingering gaze. One of his teammates noticed he was looking behind him and turned around to look in your direction, although he didn’t know what or who he was looking at, and Brandon caught that in his peripheral and turned back toward the ice. You were still lost in the moment.</p>
<p>“Fuck, Emilie, were you two just eye-fucking or am I going insane?” You broke out of your daze. “You’re not supposed to have sexual tension that thick after a fuck and chuck.”</p>
<p>You weren’t sure how to respond to that, so you just murmured a weak “Uh-huh”, and Hailey made a few other comments while you tried to grasp what was happening to you, but you didn’t really pay attention to her.</p>
<p>The rest of the game transpired and went into overtime, as neither team scored any goals after the first period. Phil Kessel ended up winning for the Penguins in the extra time, and you did stand up and cheer with the crowd after the game winning goal. You lined up with the other game attendees to exit the arena, and walked back to your car with Hailey to take her home. She had had a few more beers and was yapping your ear off about the back and forth excitement of the hockey game, and Brandon Tanev “getting hard for you” after it looked like he realized it was really you that he was seeing in the building. You were at a loss the entire drive back to Hailey’s apartment building, wracking around in your mind to see when and where your brain decided it was okay to be in your feelings like that for a man you had sex with and would probably never speak to again. And how did you so clearly pull his attention away from his work that he sought you out in the crowd a second time after the warmups?</p>
<p>In the passing weeks and months, you tried everything that you could to keep your mind from going back to that game. Although you did go out to the same club where it all stemmed from quite frequently with your friends, you would find yourself looking around hoping to spot him, even though you knew he was not there and would not be there again until possibly the next time his team was in town. And maybe not even then, if anyone on the team or coaching staff found out about him bringing a girl back to the team hotel. Every other moment that you spent outside of that club you tried to shake him. Your friends set you up on dates with guys they knew, but it never went past the first date. You did sleep with some of them, because honestly you needed it, and yet it never really left you satisfied. Lastly, you tried so hard not to pay attention to hockey news and schedules, to keep him from flooding your brain and not get your hopes up if his team was coming back to town.</p>
<p>Very early in January of 2019, you received a text message from another one of your friends. The story of your hookup with this hockey player you were in denial about being hung up on had passed through your friend group. You played along with their antics sometimes, because deep down you wanted to feel that connection to him again despite your attempts to let it go. The text read “<em>pens game? you can see your heartthrob again</em>”. Immediately your stomach jumped up into your throat. You felt like it would be kind of pathetic to go to this game with the hopes that he would be looking for you amidst the crowd again. It had been well over a year since your rendezvous. Surely he would have been well past that night. Against your better judgement, you replied to the text and agreed to go to the game.</p>
<p>That night, there you were again in PPG Paints Arena. Hailey had also joined you at the game with your mutual friend, Chase, who had texted you initially and set this up. You were sitting in a different section tonight, still at the same end of the rink as your last visit, two rows from the ice. As had happened before, the Jets emerged from the tunnel and began their warmup drills. And as had happened before, there was number thirteen, skating his laps to and from the net, shooting pucks.</p>
<p>Then, as had happened before, his eyes fell into the crowd, looking directly at you.</p>
<p>You felt the sensation within yourself again, as he turned to skate towards center ice, eyes locked on you. The back of his jersey flashed into view; <em>number thirteen</em>. When he came back around toward the cage he shot the puck into the goal, kept moving forward toward the glass, and jumped up to bodycheck the glass directly in front of you. You tried to play it off that it didn’t mean anything, and Hailey of course took it and ran with it, talking about it for the entire game when she wasn’t yelling at the hockey game itself. You distracted yourself with her verbal abuse of the Pittsburgh hockey team and didn’t understand why she was yelling so much, since they ended up shutting out the Jets 4-0. Before leaving the ice, Brandon Tanev stopped at the door to the tunnel and landed his gaze on you again for a few seconds before stepping up and walking down the tunnel, to move on with his team to their next game.</p>
<p>And that was it.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Lost For Words</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Emilie had finally suppressed her longing for Brandon. She begins to move through the next months of her life finally having found a source of happiness. Then Emilie and her friends go away on a camping trip where a big secret is revealed to her friend Hailey.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>After seeing Brandon for a second time at his hockey game you decided you needed to put your feelings to rest. Yeah, he picked you out of the crowd again, but it would be entirely foolish to hope for one second that it meant something. There was nothing else to do but realize that a one night stand was just that - a <em>one night stand</em> - and move forward. Don’t stay attached to the situation. Especially a situation that had come and gone well over a year before.</p><p>You met a guy on a dating app, and he was nice enough, so you got to know him and went on several dates with him throughout the next couple of months. His name was Matt and he ticked a lot of your boxes, treated you right, and the sex was good. He got along with your friends, and they were kind enough to not scare him off by mentioning that you had been in bed with a professional hockey player. Even if things became more serious with him, bringing it up to him wasn’t relevant to your relationship at all, however it wasn’t something you wanted to advertise either.</p><p>It was difficult at first to acknowledge the fact that you were in a relationship, since you had gone such a stupid long time longing for Brandon after your fling. When you and Matt finally became exclusive, you were super casual about it, and forgot sometimes to refer to him as your “boyfriend”. You did get better at it though, and soon you found that Brandon Tanev was not on your mind at all.</p><p>Summer was your favorite season, and as summer approached, you and Matt had planned a lot of things both as a couple and together with your friends for the season. Parties, backyard bonfires, a couple weekend camping trips, group dinners, and nights out at the club were peppered around your schedule.</p><p>Much to Hailey’s surprise, camping required a lot of materials. When your group had discussed the idea of camping she was under the impression it would be more like glamping. There was a cabin you had rented in a park just north of the Pennsylvania state border, which did at least have a bathroom facility with a regular toilet and shower. That was the only way Hailey agreed to go camping after you joked with her that she’d have to dig a hole in the ground to relieve herself all weekend. She still wasn’t totally sold on not having all of her normal comforts of living for more than 12 hours but the rest of your group didn’t give her much of a choice at that point.</p><p>You went out with her one afternoon in mid June, the week of the trip, to get supplies and attire for her so she wouldn’t break her ankle on a hike or freeze at night. Hailey was the least prepared person for anything that wasn’t partying, shopping, or attending sporting events. She definitely needed at the very least a pair of boots and some warm blankets. Although you would be at camp at the start of summer, the nights still got cold and the cabin wouldn’t be heated. You needed a couple of things for yourself as well so you figured you could help Hailey navigate the outdoor supplies store.</p><p>Walking in to the store, you guided her to the footwear section to find her some boots.</p><p>“These are hideous!”, Hailey shrieked upon seeing their selection of hiking boots. “People actually wear these clunky things?”</p><p>“Hailey, they’re for walking on rocks and through dirt and mud and over tree roots and shit,” you retorted. “It’s not a fashion show.” You laughed at her when she scoffed at your response. She apparently wanted some pity from you, or maybe she was hoping you would tell her that she didn’t have to go on the camping trip if there was no pretty camping gear. You took a shoebox off the shelf in her shoe size and handed it to her.</p><p>“Emilie…” she whined as she took the slim brown hiking boots out of the box.</p><p>“These aren’t even that bad! Just try them on, they’ll make you look tough.”</p><p>Hailey put on the boots, which were a perfect fit, reluctantly admitting that she liked them. She spent 15 minutes or so strutting around looking at them in the mirror, even asking one of the employees if they made her legs look nice. You stood behind her and mouthed “sorry” at the poor guy who was just trying to fold some jogging shirts. He just awkwardly laughed and scratched the back of his neck, telling Hailey that she looked fine.</p><p>Hailey did buy the boots, along with an insulated canteen, bug spray, and a thick blanket for her bunk. You got yourself a small drink cooler and a yellow zip-up hoodie. The two of you then headed to Giant Eagle to pick up some snacks, drinks, and meal items you would need over the weekend.</p><p>Late Thursday morning, you and Matt packed up your car and drove over to Philip’s, another friend of yours, who was joining your camping group along with his boyfriend Alex. Their apartment was closest to the highway and your group all agreed to meet up there before heading out. Once Hailey had arrived with her boyfriend Paul, Philip and Alex split their stuff between your vehicle and Paul’s, and the two guys hopped in Paul’s truck to hit the road. The drive up to the campsite was about 3 hours. You and Matt spent the time driving chatting every now and then, mostly about whether or not you thought Hailey would survive the weekend. When you weren’t imagining different hairy scenarios for that discussion, you took turns picking some music to listen to over the car stereo and sang along.</p><p>Your cabin was on a trail just off the main park road, tucked away behind a patch of trees so it felt secluded enough. A creek was just down the hill from the plateau where the cabins were situated, and you could hear the trickle of the water rushing below. There were a number of other cabins continuing in a row down the trail and across from them was the site’s bathroom facility.</p><p>Everyone unloaded their belongings, carrying them into the cabin. It was a simple one room cabin that held a couple of steel bunk beds and two regular twin sized cots pushed together like a double, all with old, thin mattresses. There was a wooden peninsula-style counter space near the door, a few outlets, and floor was old and creaky. Hailey turned white as a ghost when she stepped foot inside to see where she was staying.</p><p>“Hails, would you quit being so dramatic,” Paul grumbled at her. She was carrying her pillow in one hand and swung it at Paul playfully.</p><p>“You’ll be fine,” you said to her. “Have an open mind, it’s only until Sunday.” Hailey laughed curtly, then let out a defeated sigh and finally seemed to accept her fate for the next couple of days. It was quiet for a few moments as most of the group started placing their belongings inside the doorway.</p><p>“We get the big bed!”, Hailey yelled and suddenly sprinted to the joined twin cots, setting her bag and pillow down on it.</p><p>Paul walked over and  picked up her bag from the bed. “Babe we should all agree on the sleeping arrangements. Emilie was the one that set this up, I think she should get first dibs.”</p><p>“It’s all good,” you chuckled. “If it makes her a happy camper you guys can have it. We all have to share this room though so the only rule is no fucking if you guys take that bed.”</p><p>“Yeah, we don’t want to hear that mess,” Philip chimed in. Paul laughed and rubbed his thumb and index finger over his brow line, disguising his flushed face.</p><p>After the group picked out their beds, everyone got back to their duties of setting up the cabin. Sleeping bags and blankets were rolled out on the beds, the floor was swept, a cooler and bin of food and drinks were brought up onto the porch. Alex wrapped some twine tightly around a nail sticking out of a ceiling board and stretched it across to the opposite wall, wrapping it the same around another exposed nail to create a laundry line you could use for bath towels or swimwear. Boots and sneakers were set by the door and everyone’s bags of clothes lined floor by the other vacant wall.</p><p>Moving outdoors, there was a fire pit area in front of the cabin. Each of you had brought their own folding chair to sit on around the fire, and Matt brought a tiny propane grill to help with some of the cooking, which for the time being had been placed on the porch near the cooler. You rested some sandwich iron contraptions and marshmallow sticks against the porch rail. Paul had stopped in his truck on the way into the park to purchase some firewood, and he pulled the logs from his truck bed to stack them neatly on the ground in front of the porch.</p><p>By the time everyone was set up it was nearing time for dinner. Matt started the grill and cooked up some burgers and vegetables for everyone while Alex and Paul took turns tending to the campfire. You and Hailey got plates together and sliced the hamburger buns. Hailey seemed to be enjoying herself more since she decided to shed her sour attitude about camping. Philip sat by Matt at the grill. Both had cracked open a beer and were having a chat.</p><p>Dinner was enjoyable and much needed after the work you all did that afternoon. The sky started to dim and everyone was a couple beers in as you all had now sat around the fire, sharing stories of work drama, reminiscing on funny memories with your other friends, and telling some jokes. Late in the evening you handed out the marshmallow sticks and the group roasted some marshmallows to make s’mores. After that Paul put out the fire, Matt locked your cooler and food in the car to protect it from any bears, and everyone turned in for the night, exhausted.</p><p>In the morning, you were the first to get up. You collected a towel and toiletries from your bag, put on some flip flops, and meandered down to the bathroom building. The bathrooms looked like they were new; there were individual units around the structure for privacy so you didn’t have to shower around strange people. You found one that was open, went inside and locked the door. About 15 minutes later you emerged with a towel wrapped around your hair and walked back to your cabin. You removed the towel and combed through your hair, and hung the towel on the drying line. Grabbing the keys to your car, you went back outside and brought the food bin and cooler out of the vehicle and set them down on the porch. You kept some bowls inside the bin, and took one to pour yourself some cereal for breakfast.</p><p>“Good morning,” an exuberant voice said. You turned around to see Philip coming out the door in his sweatpants and t-shirt, his hair ruffled from sleep. You smiled through a bite of cereal and said good morning. Philip had a French press in his hand and a pot of water in the other, which you guessed he was going to heat up over the fire for his coffee once he got the fire going.</p><p>As Philip got his coffee situation figured out, the remaining members of your crew slowly started to get up and come outside. The sun was out and the air was warming up, and your natural curls were forming as your washed hair dried.</p><p>“Hey Em, you wanna go go for a walk?”, Hailey asked as she walked up to you standing near the fire.</p><p>“Oh, sure!”, you answered. “You’re not afraid of the great outdoors anymore?” She scowled and whacked you on the arm. You chuckled and walked towards the cabin to switch from your flip flops to sneakers. The two of you left the guys at the cabin.</p><p>You and Hailey walked down the trail back towards the park road. You kept a slow pace together, just enjoying the sunshine and fresh air.</p><p>“So,” she began. “Things seem to be going well with Matt so far?” You cocked your head and shrugged.</p><p>“Yeah, I think so.” You stuck your hands in the pockets of your zip-up hoodie. “We get along really well. He’s thoughtful, he makes me laugh, and I enjoy being with him.”</p><p>“You guys have a lot of sex?” Hailey really had no filter. You rolled your eyes and groaned.</p><p>“Shut the fuck up,” you groused. She hopped in front of you and gave you a knowing look.</p><p>“Fuck you,” you laughed, pushing her out of the way and continuing on forward. “You and Paul look like you’re finally meshing. And it’s your longest relationship yet, right?” She dropped the talk about your sex life there to answer your question.</p><p>“I would say so. For a while I had no idea what we were even doing. I felt like I should have broken up with him since he was pretty flaky for a while but we have had a lot of good communication about what we wanted. It seemed to settle some fears he had. He told me that I was a little bit intimidating.”</p><p>“No,” you sarcastically interjected. “Not intimidating!”</p><p>“I know, right?! Anyways, he said he’s more committed now that we’ve established our intentions. Finally started saying ‘I love you’.” She blushed and looked at the ground. “I’m really happy.”</p><p>“Oh my god, good for you guys!” You put your arm around her shoulder and squeezed in support of her news. “I feel like I’m only just starting to get to know him, you both have been so secretive about your relationship.”</p><p>“Yeah, yeah. I was really insecure about it for a while. I knew I liked him a lot but I felt like we had to land on the ground together before I let him into my social life, you know? I just felt like everyone should be on the same page about us as a couple. It would have been a rocky start to him getting to know my friends.”</p><p>“We all thought he was a loser when he kept ditching you. I’m glad you stuck it out and that you guys have gotten closer. He is really good for you. Puts you in your place,” you told her, chuckling again. “He’s definitely made me change my tune since he’s been around more.” </p><p>“Thanks, that means a lot,” Hailey responded. “I’m glad to see you’re getting some from only one person now.” </p><p>“Hailey, jesus christ, I’m not discussing sex with my boyfriend with you,” you bellowed.</p><p>“No Emilie I don’t want to hear about that,” she started, giggling. “You were just lost for so long after you slept with that guy from the Jets - it was Brandon, right? It took you some time to get past that. I remember how hung up you were on that guy.” You gulped. You hadn’t thought about him in quite a while.</p><p>“Yeah, ha ha,” you muttered, your voice wavering slightly. You hoped Hailey didn’t notice or else that would open up an entirely unwanted conversation.</p><p>The thing was, that while you were truthfully happy dating Matt and had sent Brandon Tanev far to the back of your mind, you still harbored those feelings. Your brain told yourself it was pathetic to hang onto feelings borne out of a one night stand and yet everything in your body resisted. And your silence in that short moment while you wracked your brain for something to say said everything to Hailey about Brandon that you couldn’t.</p><p>“Emilie, you don’t mean that you still…” she trailed off. “Does Matt know that you slept with that guy?”</p><p>“He certainly doesn’t,” you defended. “He has no reason to since it happened well before we knew each other, and I don’t see any reason why it would even be relevant to our relationship.” Hailey nodded.</p><p>“I suppose that’s true. What would happen if - no, not if - when he comes back to Pittsburgh with his team? What if you saw him and he tried to make that happen again? It would be seriously unfair to Matt. Don’t you feel like you would be stringing him along?”</p><p>“Hailey come on! I am not going to cheat on Matt, I’m not thinking about breaking up with Matt, and the chances of your scenario playing out are unlikely.”</p><p>“Em, I can read you. You still have it bad for that guy. I see you when you’re out with Matt and the rest of us. You are very affectionate together but you always have this…sort of absent look in your expressions, like you’re not all there. You act happy, and I believe that you are, but I know you are not as happy as you could be. I wasn’t ever sure that it still had to do with that Brandon guy up until now.”</p><p>“Hailey, I can’t,” you stammered. “I can’t talk about this.”</p><p>“Em. I’m not telling you to chase after the hockey player, and I’m not <em>not</em> telling you to chase after the hockey player, if you truly feel that way. If you do end up coming face to face with that guy again, please do not hurt Matt. He has done so much good for you.”</p><p>Hailey was kind and dropped the topic as you finished up your stroll. You continued to shoot the breeze about other things, and the closer you got to returning to the cabin, the larger the pit in your stomach felt from the discussion you two had earlier. You weren’t faking your attraction or feelings for Matt. However, you knew Hailey was right.</p><p>The rest of the camping trip was a blur for you. You took part in the rest of your groups’ activities, which included a drive to the beach on the lake, a couple hikes, and evening drinking games. Your body was there, and your mind was elsewhere. Your friends asked you on the last night at the cabin why you were so quiet, which you falsely attributed to being drunk.</p><p>You weren’t really in the mood, but you and Matt locked yourselves in one of the bathrooms once during the weekend for shower sex. Matt had been wanting you and you thought it might help empty your brain from everything that had been clouding it. It did work to an extent.</p><p>A minimal extent.</p><p>Returning home from camp felt like coming up for air after being underwater for too long. Since your relationship with Matt was so new, relatively speaking, you did not live together and you were happy to have your own space again, and relieved to have that normalcy return. Coincidentally, you and Matt descended into a bit of a rough patch.</p><p>You stayed in your apartment for the most part of the next few weeks, dealing with your relationship turmoil and trying to find ways to, yet again, remove Brandon Tanev from the forefront of your mind. This game was becoming old quickly.</p><p>July began, and one night when you were out to dinner with your friends, there was a moment when Hailey, Paul, and Chase stopped their conversation and began whispering among themselves briefly, looking at something on Chase’s phone. You inquired as to what they were discussing, but they told you it was nothing and Chase put his phone away. You hoped they weren’t talking about you but decided not to push it, and got back to enjoying the night with them.</p><p>In the middle of August, you prepared yourself for a night out with your friends at your usual nightclub. You applied your makeup, threw on some dark skinny jeans and a strappy black tank top, and settled for a simple pair of yellow heels that weren’t uncomfortably tall. Hailey drove over to your place and you took an Uber together downtown to meet the rest of the girls.</p><p>The music was loud and the bass beat all of your normal life’s anxieties out of your soul, and the drinks were strong. You and your friends switched back and forth between dancing out on the floor and standing around by the bar gossiping and helping your single friends find some people to dance with.</p><p>After the latest round of drinks, you watched some of your friends get whisked away to dance with the guys and ladies that had gotten their attention. You, Hailey, and two of your other friends followed behind so you all could dance together. You led the way, head turned back towards the other three girls to say something, when something stopped you in your tracks. Your eyes flew up to look above your friends’ heads. A man walking with a quick and determined pace beelined to you, pushing past some gaggles of other club-goers. Your friends walked a few paces past you before noticing your sudden halt in movement.</p><p>Before you had time to process anything else, a familiar face emerged into the flashing lights of the dance floor. His hand grabbed the back of your neck and pulled you up to his face, planting his lips on yours, his other hand reaching up to your cheek to cradle it. You leaned into the kiss before realizing it wasn’t Matt, and you pulled away. He kept his one hand on your cheek as your gaze made its way back up to meet his, both of you wide-eyed and breathless. You couldn’t see, but your friends looked at you two with the same expression.</p><p>“<em>Brandon</em>,” you whispered.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I had such a hard time writing this filler chapter but it was needed lol. I just wanted Brandon to get back into play. I don't have a time frame for the next part to be finished but if you've come back after reading the first part thank you so much, I truly appreciate it. Hope that you stick around to see what comes next!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. We Cast Our Fears Aside</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Brandon and Emilie encounter each other for the first time since 2017, excluding the hockey games, and Matt and Emilie go through a hardship.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p class="p1">You and Brandon stood still for a few moments, as if paused, taking each other’s presence in. The music still blared and pounded around you. Everyone on the dance floor was still dancing. You couldn’t see or hear any of it in those moments, as you fixated on the man who remained just a few inches in front of your face, each of you still trying to catch your breath.</p><p class="p1">Brandon’s look of disbelief slowly softened and turned into worry when your expression didn’t change. His hand slipped off of your cheek and, gliding down your arm, fell to your side to brush against your fingers. You pulled away. Hailey, knowing who he was, found her words since you couldn’t find your own, and stepped in.</p><p class="p1">“You have a lot of fucking nerve to come over here and kiss my friend like that,” she shouted at him over the music. He looked over at her. His eyes widened and he took a few steps back, his hands rising above his midsection like a criminal surrendering.</p><p class="p1">“I’m sorry,” Brandon bellowed. “I- I don’t know what came over-”</p><p class="p1">“No no no,” she cut him off. “I know what happened with you two. That was well over a year ago, dude. You don’t even know her anymore.” Hailey knew the way he had looked at you at the games, but she also didn’t want you doing anything you might regret. You finally came out of your daze and registered what had just happened. Stepping in front of Hailey, you turned to her and put your mouth by her ear to talk to her.</p><p class="p1">“Hailey, I got this,” you assured her. “Go with the girls, I’ll come back and find you.”</p><p class="p1">She gave you a look that told you not to go leave the club with Brandon. You returned her expression to tell her you knew better than that. With that she turned on her heel and ushered your friends away with her, who had witnessed the entire event with their mouths agape. Turning back to Brandon, you stared him in the eyes again. Your eyes moved back and forth to each of his before you snapped out of it and put your hand on his shoulder and leaned in to talk at his ear.</p><p class="p1">“Come upstairs with me.”</p><p class="p1">The club had a rooftop patio with a bar that was a little more low-key than the dance floor inside. You found an empty tall table and each of you took a stool. Brandon rested his forearms on the tabletop and laced his fingers together. He sighed.</p><p class="p1">“You look great,” he began with a soft smile.</p><p class="p1">“Thanks…you too,” you admitted. The soft glow from the lights on the roof illuminated him in front of the pale city lights. He was wearing a black t-shirt that hugged all of his muscles just right and it made you flutter at the memory of feeling him wrapped around you. You took in a deep breath.</p><p class="p1">“Emilie…I’m so sorry for what happened downstairs,” he stated. You hadn’t even had much of a chance to reacquaint but he remembered your name. There was a moment of silence before he continued. “You’re probably pissed. I didn’t think I’d ever see you again after…it was wrong of me. Something just…possessed me…when I saw you and…I know I can’t justify that….”</p><p class="p1">“What are you even doing in Pittsburgh?” You glossed over his apology, being more concerned with how he ended up here. Despite not following sports you knew hockey didn’t start now, in August, and you knew he played for the team in Winnipeg. He looked puzzled.</p><p class="p1">“I, uh, I’m looking for my own place and getting ready for training camp.” More silence. You furrowed your brow, not understanding. “I signed a contract with Pittsburgh. I’m going to play for the Penguins.”</p><p class="p1">“Oh.” You looked down, then back up to meet his gaze and lastly out off of the patio towards the city. Inside you felt like you should be elated, instead there was a pit in your stomach.</p><p class="p1">“I know what happened with us before was supposed to be a one-time fling. I wasn’t prepared to feel what I felt when I saw you in the stands that day. And then the next game we were in town for, I felt that again.” His eyes were sincere as he spoke, searching your face for any sign of mutuality.</p><p class="p1">“You didn’t come here because of me, did you?” You gulped as soon as the question escaped your lips. Did you want to know the answer?</p><p class="p1">“I don’t think- I didn’t-“ he stammered. “Winnipeg didn’t give me an offer after my contract with them was up. Pittsburgh gave me an offer for a long-term deal and it sounded like a good fit for me here.” You secretly wished he’d said that knowing you were in Pittsburgh helped him make his decision but shook it off just as quickly. You didn’t want to think foolishly. You didn’t say anything.</p><p class="p1">“I know we’re basically strangers,” he started again. “I haven’t stopped thinking about you, Emilie.” Your heart leapt and sank simultaneously and you felt dizzy. He couldn’t be doing this right now. The longer you stayed here looking across the table at him, the likelier it was for you to do something you shouldn’t. You heard Hailey’s voice in your head from the camping trip, “<em>If you do end up coming face to face with that guy again, please do not hurt Matt. He has done so much good for you.</em>”</p><p class="p4">“I’m sorry, I- I can’t… I have to go.” You rose from your chair and hurriedly descended the stairs down towards the main level to find Hailey and the rest of your group.</p><p class="p4">“Wait! Emilie,” Brandon called from behind you. The clicking of his shoes on the stairs behind you caused you to pick up your pace. “I’m sorry if I said anything that upset you.”</p><p class="p4">You stopped at the landing to look back at him. He slowed and gradually met you there.</p><p class="p4">“It’s not your fault. It’s mine,” you assured him. “I made a mistake. I want to talk to you about everything but I just can’t. I’m sorry.” He stood there looking dumbfounded as you turned again and continued down the steps. Once you reached the bottom you felt your eyes welling up and Hailey was leaning on a table just a few steps to the side, like she was waiting for you.</p><p class="p4">“I want to go home,” you shouted into her ear over the music. Your voice was breaking. She looked at you, her face bewildered.</p><p class="p4">“Are you okay?” Her eyes darted above you and you knew she saw Brandon.</p><p class="p4">“Yeah,” you cried. “I’m fine. I just want to go.”</p><p class="p4">“Wait for me out front, I’ll be right there.” While you were still near the table, you heard Hailey yell at Brandon, although you couldn’t make out what she was saying. The bouncer opened the door for you and you escaped into the quiet of the city street. You took some steps away from the door and tried to catch your breath, and you wiped at your eyes to push away the tears.</p><p class="p4">You weren’t mad at Brandon for kissing you. It was very unexpected, yes, and maybe you should be mad at him but it was everything you had wanted for almost two years. You couldn’t reveal that to anyone, save for Hailey, given your relationship status. Besides that, he didn’t know that you were seeing someone and how was he supposed to? You didn’t tell him. Now you thought you ruined any chance that you may have if you sorted yourself out; something you shouldn’t even be thinking about due to the fact that you had a serious boyfriend.</p><p class="p4">Hailey interrupted your breakdown and put an arm around your shoulder. She didn’t say anything, she just stood there and let you breathe through it, and she took that time to pull out her phone and request a ride back to your place.</p><p class="p4">In the car, she finally asked her burning question.</p><p class="p4">“What happened back there?” You faced her, inhaling deep breaths through your nose and exhaling out of your mouth to stay composed.</p><p class="p4">“He didn’t do anything. I couldn’t handle it.”</p><p class="p4">“Handle what? The kiss?”</p><p class="p4">“No,” you assured her. “Not the kiss. Just him. His presence. Being that close to him again. I know I told you that I could handle it, I-”</p><p class="p4">“I thought he tried to pull another move on you. I had to hang back and argue with him after you told me you wanted to leave.”</p><p class="p4">“He told me that he going to be playing for the Penguins now.” Hailey went silent and turned to look out the car window. “Did you know about that?” It was likely she did, knowing she followed the Penguins pretty closely. Her lack of words right now confirmed that.</p><p class="p4">“Hailey, why wouldn’t you have told me something like that?” You stared at her, and she sighed before facing you again.</p><p class="p4">“I was trying to keep you honest. Honest in your current involved relationship. If you knew about Brandon I didn’t want you to seek him out and neglect your relationship with Matt.” She held your eyes until you gave in and looked at your lap.</p><p class="p4">“Do you really think that poorly of me that you think I would be dishonest with Matt?”</p><p class="p4">“Emilie, I don’t think that you would. After you spoke about him with me at camp, and the way that I can see exactly how you feel, I didn’t want you to risk having moment of weakness. I believe you are stronger than that.” Hailey was making sense, but you still felt terrible that those thoughts of you failing your current relationship crossed her mind. “Also, after I had thought about it, you two barely know each other. You could simply just be lusting for each other.”</p><p class="p4">
  <em>Oh.</em>
</p><p class="p4">“Hopefully it’s just because you’ve been drinking alcohol that you’re being so honest,” you snapped. “But I don’t even know if this thing…if it could be romantic with Brandon, because yeah, I don’t know him on that level. But I wouldn’t be looking for him in every corner of Pittsburgh to find out.”</p><p class="p4">The ride was quiet after that, until the driver pulled up outside your building. You had spent that time overthinking about what Hailey had said, trying to come to your own defense again about how she was wrong and insulting to think about you as a potential cheater. She meant well deep down, and you knew that, but the conversation was still fresh and stung for a while.</p><p class="p4">“Do you want to sleep at my place?,” you asked her. “I can pull out the couch.” You both opened the passenger doors and stepped out of the rear seats.</p><p class="p4">“No, I’m gonna have Paul come pick me up.” She unlocked her phone and started to text him. “I’ll wait for him out here.” She didn’t even look up at you when she spoke, and you knew she was annoyed.</p><p class="p4">“Hailey, I’m sorry for what I said to you in the car,” you stated, albeit quietly.</p><p class="p4">“I’m done talking about this right now,” she said flatly. “Before I forget, I was going to withhold this from you but since you think it’s no big deal for you to put yourself and Matt at risk, then please take this and do whatever you want.” She held out a piece of paper, folded in half. You slowly reached up, looking at her quizzically, and pulled it from her grasp.</p><p class="p4">You said goodnight to Hailey, who didn’t respond to you. The paper remained folded until you got inside and closed the door of your apartment behind you, at which point you realized you held onto it so tightly that it was crinkled by the time you set it on your dining table. You didn’t know what it contained, and you were a little apprehensive about finding out. After you changed into your pajamas and took off your makeup, you picked the paper up off the table, and opened it. Reading it was difficult, as whoever wrote it had ghastly handwriting. ‘<em>Brandon</em>’ and a sequence of numbers was all that was written.</p><p class="p4">It was Brandon’s phone number.</p><p class="p4">———————————————————————</p><p class="p4">You woke up in a sweat. Picking up your phone from the bedside table, you saw it was 4:13 in the morning. You had been dreaming about your first night - correction, only night - with Brandon. It was so vivid, as if you had just lived it last week. You had felt all of him again; on top of you, surrounding you, <em>inside of you</em>. How could seeing him last night have seemingly hypnotized you in this way? You touched your lips and could feel his on them. It was a different kind of kiss than Matt’s, it was both ravenous and sincere, and maybe it was because you and Matt were having a hard time right now, but Brandon’s kiss felt so right. You recalled, even in your disbelief when it happened, that you wanted nothing more than to pull him back and kiss him again.</p><p class="p4">You had left the paper with Brandon’s number on your dining table. You weren’t sure even what to do, call him? Text him? What would you say? What would he say? It was your preference right now to take time and do some thinking before you would try to speak to Brandon again. You hoped that Brandon wouldn’t take your silence as a sign that you didn’t want anything to do with him. Perhaps he wasn’t even confident that Hailey would have passed along his scribble to you.</p><p class="p4">The conversation with Hailey last night entered your mind again. It didn’t sting as bad to hear her words replay in your head this time. You knew, despite maybe her delivery of her argument, that she was only interested in keeping you from getting hurt and you from hurting anyone else. You had to consider what Matt would think if he knew that you started texting Brandon behind his back and that he had kissed you. Despite that, you also wanted to know what was on Brandon’s mind. He obviously didn’t plan on being at that particular club on the same day as you. It was possible that he chose to go there because that’s where you initially met and he hoped he might run into you again. It seemed to you that he just reacted when he saw you, given how intensely he had looked at you from the ice when you were at the hockey games.</p><p class="p4">It was impossible to get back to sleep now that your mind was racing. You were still exhausted since you had only slept a couple of hours after getting home. You were longing to be held, to feel a body pressed up against your back, an arm draped on your midsection, legs tangled together. Someone brushing their fingers softly through your hair. The more you thought about this desire, the more one person in particular came to mind.</p><p class="p4">After laying awake in pure emotional agony for some time, you pulled a container of melatonin out of your bedside table drawer and took one of the tablets. Anything to help you shut down for a few more hours was worth trying. Fortunately it did kick in and your mind settled as you dozed off.</p><p class="p4">In the morning, you rose from your bed. You were groggy as you walked out of your room into thekitchen. You filled up a pot of water and poured it into your coffee maker to start brewing. Based on how you felt this morning you could probably drink the entire pot without hesitation. While it brewed, you picked up the piece of paper from your table. Carrying it with you, you sat on your sofa, set the paper on the coffee table, and just stared at it. You rested your head in your hands, fingers combing through your hair. Your brain was trying to think of a million things at once and yet you couldn’t form a coherent thought. How on Earth had it not even been 24 hours since you saw him for the first time in almost 2 years? The time between then and now felt like years. And now you have his phone number right in front of you, burning a hole in your brain.</p><p class="p4">The sound of your coffeemaker beeping pulled you out of your mind. You got up and sauntered back to the kitchen, grabbed a mug, and poured yourself a cup. There was some creamer in the fridge which you retrieved and stirred into the hot beverage. Matt popped into your head as you took the first sip. Matt….<em>oh my god</em>. You were supposed to meet him at a coffee shop nearby. The clock on your cooktop read 9:13. Both of you had arranged to meet there at 9:30. You threw your coffee into the sink and ran to put your hair up and change your clothes to leave.</p><p class="p4">Things with him were not completely recovered yet. He had spoken to you not long ago and told you that he noticed something off about you starting from the halfway point of the camping trip. Of course you couldn’t explain yourself, so you told him that you were just blah and that your period had been coming at the time so hormones were starting to become a bitch. You tried to be more normal with him after that, although you were still holing up in your apartment alone more often than not.</p><p class="p4">The coffee shop wasn’t far from you, but even so, by the time you had pulled yourself together and got out the door, you were pulling in to the lot behind the building at 9:35. Hopefully Matt wouldn’t be annoyed, it was only 5 minutes and you already felt guilty enough having almost forgotten about this. You found him sitting at the corner table by the window, with a cup of coffee in front of him and another at the empty seat across.</p><p class="p4">“I am SO sorry,” you breathed, as you pulled the chair out and sat down. You motioned to the coffee. “Thanks for getting mine. I had been out with the girls last night and totally forgot this morning.”</p><p class="p4">“That’s okay,” he responded. “Did you have fun with them?” He eyed you and picked up his coffee to take a swig.</p><p class="p4">“Yeah, we had a good time. Dancing really wipes me out,“ you commented with a weak laugh, and sipped your drink. “How was your night?”</p><p class="p4">“Much more low-key than yours, I’m sure,” he answered. “I cooked myself dinner and Paul came over for some beers and video games.”</p><p class="p4">“Sounds like a nice bro night,” you added.</p><p class="p4">“It was.” He sipped his coffee again followed by a lull in your chatter. He looked like he wanted to say something else but he hesitated. You looked around the cafe, beginning to feel uncomfortable. Talking with him had once been so natural and pleasant. Now you felt so distant, and you could tell that he felt uneasy as well.</p><p class="p4">“Emilie,” he began again. “I don’t really know what’s been going on with us. You’ve almost completely withdrawn yourself, in my opinion, from what we had going. I feel like you always have some excuse to not make plans with me but then you have time for your friends.” You gulped and looked down at your coffee cup.</p><p class="p4">"I didn’t want to push you in case you needed space but it’s been going on for weeks. At a certain point I have to take myself into consideration, based on where I see things are going and what I want in my life.” He glanced down at his drink and back up at you. You knew what was coming.</p><p class="p4">You felt like you wanted to stay in relationship with Matt, because it made you feel safe and you wouldn’t run desperately to Brandon before you knew if your feelings were legitimate. But you knew that wasn’t fair. Not only that, it was actually a really shitty thing to do. And it meant that you knew you didn’t see yourself with Matt in the long run.</p><p class="p4">“I thought things were going really, really well, Emilie,” he quietly expressed. “I don’t think I can wait for you anymore. Something happened to you after that camping trip. I thought I did something wrong or…I don’t know what. You won’t talk to me.”</p><p class="p4">“I…I don’t know what to say, Matt, other than I am so sorry that I have put you through this the last number of weeks. You didn’t deserve that.” You flicked the rim of the coffee cup cover with your thumb, not bringing yourself to look at Matt for a moment after your apology. “I was thinking about us a lot during that time, and I do feel like I let you down in a lot of ways.”</p><p class="p4">“What do you think about this…us?” You met his eyes again when he posed the question.</p><p class="p4">“I think that I don’t want to let you down anymore…”, you trailed off.</p><p class="p4">“I don’t think we’re a good fit anymore, Emilie.” You drew in a sharp breath, but at the same time you were mildly relieved that he said it. “I can’t keep sitting around waiting for you to decide what you want.”</p><p class="p4">The rest of Matt’s breakup with you was short and to the point. You could tell he was a little bitter about it. It was not the ending he was expecting when the two of you got together. You knew it would sit with you for some time, because he had been so great to you and you basically ghosted him to get caught up in your thoughts about Brandon. There would be a lot of guilt there. You cared about Matt a lot, but as you drove yourself home you realized that while you did love him, you couldn’t say that you were in love with him. Even through your guilt, you felt a twinge of positivity about what had just happened. It still didn’t mean that you would contact Brandon right away. What would that look like?</p><p class="p4">You resumed your pre-Matt lifestyle after some time allowing yourself to clear out your mind from the failed relationship and get through all the normal breakup feelings. Hailey had been in contact with you quite frequently while you went through the motions. When you told her the news, she didn’t seem to believe that he was the one who ended things. She knew that you were thinking about what-ifs regarding Brandon and initially assumed that you broke up with Matt to give it a shot. You explained everything to her - your gradual lack of involvement, his inaction of trying to pull you back in and not wanting to wait forever for you to come back to him - and she was a little more convinced that you really didn’t break up with him.</p><p class="p4">Brandon’s number on the slip of paper remained on your coffee table where you had left it weeks ago that night that he kissed you. You hadn’t often glanced at it during the time that had passed, but today it felt like it was glowing bright white. No matter where you moved throughout your apartment, it followed your line of sight like eyes in an old portrait. Your resistance to it only lasted until mid-afternoon. Picking it up, you entered the numbers into a new message on your phone without a second thought.</p><p class="p5">
  <em>It’s Emilie from the bar. My friend gave me your number. Do you want to talk?</em>
</p><p class="p4">You locked your phone immediately and set it on the coffee table screen-down. Your heart raced and you tried not to give yourself too much anxiety about what he might reply with, or if he would even reply at all. Since your encounter weeks ago you thought he might not be holding out hope that you would ever contact him at this point.</p><p class="p4">About 20 minutes had passed and you were in your kitchen, in the beginning stages of stress-baking some cupcakes, and you heard the chime of your phone around the corner. It could have been anyone, but you had a strong sense that it was Brandon, and your insides fluttered just as they had when you locked eyes with him at both of Jets games you attended. You had no idea if his reply would even be a positive one. You quickly washed your hands of flour, patted them dry, and walked into your living room to pick up your phone. You hadn’t put Brandon’s number in as a contact, so the number displayed with no name and the beginning of the message on your lock screen. It was him. You dialed your passcode to unlock the device and the conversation inflated to fit the screen.</p><p class="p4">
  <em>Hey, I didn’t think I’d ever hear from you. Yeah I’d like that. To talk with you.</em>
</p><p class="p5">
  <em>When and where?</em>
</p><p class="p4">
  <em>If today works, I have time. Training camp started so my </em>
</p><p class="p4">
  <em>free time is limited right now.</em>
</p><p class="p5">
  <em> Okay, I could do that. In the middle of baking right now so maybe after an hour or so I could meet you somewhere.</em>
</p><p class="p4">
  <em>I’m still at a hotel temporarily and there’s a good restaurant next door</em>
</p><p class="p4">
  <em>if you want to talk over dinner.</em>
</p><p class="p5">
  <em>Sure, where?</em>
</p><p class="p4">
  <em>Vallozzi’s, downtown. 6?</em>
</p><p class="p5">
  <em>I will see you there, Brandon.</em>
</p><p class="p4">
  <em>I’ll make a reservation. Looking forward to it, Emilie.</em>
</p><p class="p4">Your stomach was knotted throughout the exchange. You could have stood in your living room all night trying to wrap your head around not only the fact that you just contacted Brandon, but that you would be seeing him again tonight. After everything that had happened over the last few weeks, you never expected yourself to be in this position by now. This meeting between you was the furthest thing from a date in your mind, but your body was filling you up with nerves as if it was going to be.</p><p class="p4">You finished baking the cupcakes and left them to cool on a rack while you began to get ready to meet Brandon. The restaurant was more classy than you were hoping, as you had looked it up online to see how you should dress. In other words, you couldn’t go out looking like you were going to Applebee’s. You picked out a billowy yellow blouse with monotone floral appliqués covering the entire garment, a sleek pair of your darkest skinny jeans, and nude pointed toe flats. You pinned some of your hair back on the sides of your head and threaded a pair of monstera leaf earrings through your lobes. After you painted on some eyeliner and mascara, you put your phone and wallet in a small black crossbody bag, and looked at the clock. It was only 4:13. You groaned and sat on your couch, as you’d have to wait a bit before you needed to leave.</p><p class="p4">There was nothing on the TV that you deemed interesting enough to fill the time. You mindlessly flipped through the channels, checked the time again, and it was only 4:30. It was a Thursday though, and you figured you could drive into the city now and kill some time in case there was traffic. You took a longer route to go south of the city and come up through the Fort Pitt Tunnel, which was your favorite way to go downtown. The way the hills covered up the city as if it was a big secret to hide, and having tunnel open up into the skyline never got old. It was especially dreamy closer to dusk when the sky would change colors and the sun reflected off the towers on the west.</p><p class="p4">Traffic wasn’t too bad and you drove through the streets towards the parking garage at Market Square near the restaurant. You felt strange to be so early for some reason, it was just after 5. You parked and locked up the car, taking the elevator down to street level and turned left outside towards Market Square. There were some empty tables in the square center, so you picked one and sat in the chair. You pulled out your phone and just began to scroll through your Instagram feed. Somehow that seemed to pass enough time and suddenly was 5:50. Your phone was placed in your back pocket and you made your way through the alley to Fifth Avenue. You made the right turn onto Fifth Ave.</p><p class="p4">Brandon’s hair had been slightly tousled when you had last seen him at the club, but you noticed tonight it was combed nicely as you saw him standing adjacent to the restaurant’s entrance. He had his hands in the pockets of his jeans, also wearing a charcoal sport coat with a lighter gray polo underneath, and matching gray shoes. He was looking out in the opposite direction and as you approached he must have seen you in his peripheral. His eyes widened as he took in your presence and a smile took over his face. You couldn’t help but reciprocate the expression.</p><p class="p4">“Emilie,” he breathed. “Just…wow. I’m happy to see you again.” He didn’t know what to do with himself, and he ended up scratching the side of his face before running his hand over his hair. Neither of you really knew how to greet each other. Was a hug weird? Definitely not a kiss or a handshake, the former was too intimate and the latter too professional. You weren’t dating each other and you weren’t really acquaintances either.</p><p class="p4">“Hello Brandon,” you responded. “I’m happy to see you too. You look good, again.” You felt the rosiness rush into your cheeks. Why were your emotions taking over like this?</p><p class="p4">“You, if I may, you look beautiful,” he shared. “Shall we?” He motioned to the door and you nodded. Turning towards the entrance he put his hand on the small of your back. His touch was feathery, but it felt like a thousand pounds and you thought you would really like to have his hands all over your body again. You had to keep cool for now. You didn’t know where your conversation would go tonight.</p><p class="p4">He spoke to the host and shortly you were seated, staring straight into the face of Brandon Tanev.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. You Say You Love Me</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Brandon and Emilie meet up for dinner. Both of them have some monumental things to share with each other. Will they be pulled closer together?</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p class="p1">Brandon sat across from you at a window-front table. Vallozzi’s was bright in the early summer evening. You had sat down facing the window while he faced the restaurant, and you could see on his face he was pleased with his view, since the light outside had you almost illuminated. After you placed your napkin into your lap, you rested your wrists on the table and crossed your hands. He sat in a more relaxed position, with one forearm on the table and the other on his lap.</p><p class="p1">“I was happy to hear from you today,” he started. “I’m sorry that this happened so fast but with my schedule-”</p><p class="p1">“No, don’t apologize, I understand you’ve got a lot happening right now,” you assured him, smiling.</p><p class="p1">“Yeah, it’s exciting to get back to playing again. The summers are too long sometimes,” he added with a chuckle before changing the topic. “I was so worried I had done something to hurt you when I saw you that night. I want you to know that I don’t just go up to people and plant my lips on them. It’s extremely uncouth and I do want you to know how sorry I am, again.” He did look very apologetic. You looked down at your hands and nodded.</p><p class="p1">“It’s - truthfully - I -,” you stammered. “I know my friend reacted for me. It was pretty shocking to see you, but I don’t know if I can fully accept your apology right now.” He looked defeated, flitting his eyes down towards the table and back up at you.</p><p class="p1">“You waltzed right up and kissed me as if we were together. I’m not mad at you. I was just uncomfortable. I hadn’t seen you since you were last in Pittsburgh. When you kissed me that night…I was in a relationship with someone when you did that. Fortunately he wasn’t there and didn’t find out about it. Hailey was right by what she told you as far as what I heard. I don’t know what she said to you after I left the building.”</p><p class="p1">“She gave me the business, and told me that you were with someone,” he acknowledged. “I do understand that what I did was unacceptable. Quite frankly, I didn’t even deserve to have been given the time to have the conversation we had on the rooftop. Thank you for giving me that.”</p><p class="p1">You were interrupted by the server then, who came up to take your beverage order. Brandon ordered a glass of red wine. You asked only for water, since you had to drive yourself home and wine gave you a headache the next day anyways. The interruption was a good chance to move your conversation forward instead of lingering on his apology. It was also a chance to look over the menu and decide what you were going to order. Both of you were quiet as you perused the menu. Several minutes later the server returned with your drinks and you were ready to order. You chose the cannelloni and him, the filet.</p><p class="p1">“You’re a cheap date,” he joked, albeit awkwardly. You could tell he was trying to lighten the mood. “Water to drink and a pasta dish?”</p><p class="p1">“First of all, this is not a date,” you warned. A smile was fighting with your lips anyways. You didn’t want to run him out. “If you had that impression I hope you aren’t planning on getting my bill. I’ll take care of myself. We are just two strangers having a discussion over a meal.”</p><p class="p1">“Strangers who have slept together,” he added. You rolled your eyes. “Come on, I invited you to have dinner, I was not going to put you out with your own bill.”</p><p class="p1">“Then I don’t have to stay here,” you toyed and motioned like you were going to get up to leave. Brandon panicked and reached across the table to grab your hand. Sparks.</p><p class="p1">“Hey, hey, wait!” His eyes grew wide, and again you could see the remorse in his expression. “I promise I will behave. But I did already slip my card to the staff on the way in to take care of this. It’s the least I can do.” You sighed and settled back down on your seat.</p><p class="p1">“Do you think I would be that rude to actually leave,” you reasoned. A strand of your hair had come loose from your hair pins and you tucked it behind your ear, smiling. Brandon did soften a bit. “I appreciate the gesture, but I really don’t feel comfortable with you paying for mine.”</p><p class="p1">“It’s going to happen,” he maintained. “You’re going to have to learn to be okay with that.”</p><p class="p1">“Fine,” you said, accepting defeat.</p><p class="p1">“Thank you.”</p><p class="p1">“So you chose Pittsburgh - out of any city in the NHL - to sign with, huh?” You cut right to the chase. He had been in the middle of sipping his wine and clumsily set the glass back on the table, clearing his throat.</p><p class="p1">“I was honest with you at the bar, Emilie. Pittsburgh offered me a great long-term deal. They have a great team here and it was a good opportunity for me.” He shifted his weight in his seat.He had trailed off and it sounded like he had more to add, but was quiet for a moment.</p><p class="p1">“But…I was thinking about you too when I signed.”</p><p class="p1">Boom.</p><p class="p1">His eyes searched your face for any sort of acknowledgment after his admission. Your stomach flipped around and you were glad you hadn’t been eating or you thought you might have choked. After a moment to let his words sink in, in addition to a deep breath, you tried to find your words.</p><p class="p1">“Why - why me?”</p><p class="p1">“I know…what we got ourselves into wasn’t supposed to mean anything. I tried so hard to not let it consume me.” His eyes bore deeper into yours. “Before that had even happened between us I had already fallen, as soon as I saw you there at the bar. And you didn’t care who I was. I knew you were being genuine with me, even though yes, we were drinking pretty heavily.” He let out a more relaxed chuckle.</p><p class="p1">“Probably because I truly had no idea who you even were,” you retorted. “I’ve never watched much hockey.” He laughed.</p><p class="p1">“Seriously? You were at the game the next day.” He looked surprised.</p><p class="p1">“Yeah, my friend’s boyfriend blew her off for the game so she took me,” you answered, grinning. He ran a hand through his hair. “She told me the next day that she knew who you were when you approached me at the bar.”</p><p class="p1">“I was shocked to see you there that close - at the game. I don’t normally look around the seats at the rink. Something told me to that night.” He paused. “Seeing you, it felt electrifying. I tried to shake it off. The last thing I needed to do was fall for a girl off a one night stand. When we came back into town the next season and there you were at the game again…I knew.”</p><p class="p1">“Brandon….” His confession practically knocked the wind out of you. You were fixated on him, as if he might disappear if you looked away and none of this would be real.</p><p class="p1">“I had screwed up, Emilie. I wanted to ask you for your number that night we met, but I jumped the gun and took you back to my hotel room for, well, you know what. It didn’t make sense to ask for your number because of the circumstances of my visit to Pittsburgh. But I felt this pull - I wanted to become something more meaningful to you. I…I wanted to have something meaningful with you.</p><p class="p1">“After everything I went through and the time that had passed, I was convinced there was an outside force working for me that made Pittsburgh offer me this contract a couple months ago. I’d been following my dream of being in the NHL, and I have that dream now. I want to find happiness in more than just hockey. I feel like I have a good reason to look for it here.”</p><p class="p1">Fuck.</p><p class="p1">Not a single man had ever been that eloquent with anything they’d ever said to you. Brandon was breaking down every wall to show you that he wanted to be more than a one night stand to you, and you meant that much to him already that he was willing to be vulnerable with you. You. Nearly a complete stranger.</p><p class="p1">You were about to open up to Brandon with your thoughts and feelings when your server returned to the table to deliver your entrees. You both thanked him, and Brandon quickly got his wine glass refilled before you began to eat slowly. He eyed you as he cut a piece of his filet. You found yourself at a loss for words and looked down at your dish to slice off a bite of your pasta.</p><p class="p1">“Please say something,” he softly pleaded. He had his fork stopped halfway to his mouth with the cut of beef he had worked on gripped by the prongs. You looked back up and met his gaze. Your mouth was agape still after hearing him say everything you wanted him to say deep down. You came in expecting he might say that he’d be interested in seeing you again and pursuing a relationship with you, but instead he indirectly told you that he was in love with you.</p><p class="p1">“You…the way you looked at me at those games,” you began, your voice faltering. “I couldn’t get you out of my mind. I thought I was being stupid for thinking it meant anything. I told myself that there was no reason you would have fallen for me, because you lived and worked in a different city - a different country. I did everything I could to try and forget about you even though I didn’t really want to…because the way I felt seeing you from the first time at the bar to that last hockey game…was, well, as you put it: electric.</p><p class="p1">“You always lingered in my mind after that, even when I tried to push you out. Never did I expect that this could be…real. Fuck, even when you brazenly kissed me at the bar, as poor of a choice as that was,” you went on with a melancholy smile, “It lit me up.”</p><p class="p1">“But you have a boyfriend,” he murmured disappointingly. He finally took the bite of steak that had been dangling from his fork.</p><p class="p1">“Had.” His face quickly displayed a look of excitement before it faded into concern. “He actually broke up with me the morning after my club outing. It had nothing to do with what you did, though. I should have seen it coming, honestly. I was a pretty terrible girlfriend for a while at the end.”</p><p class="p1">“I’m sure that’s not true.”</p><p class="p1">“No,” you stated. “It is. Hailey had a conversation with me a few weeks before the breakup and pulled it out of me that I still had feelings for you. She knew that while, yes, she saw that I was happy being in that relationship, I always seemed incomplete. I basically withdrew myself after that, trying to think of why I was still holding on to you. I shouldn’t have kept him holding on like that. So, he did what I should have done the moment I had any doubts about us. About him and I.</p><p class="p1">“I know you just poured your heart out to me. And I know the feelings I have for you are real. If you can…be patient with me…if you still want to act on your feelings for me,” you paused. You hoped you wouldn’t break his heart. “I don’t think I’m ready to do that right now. I hope you understand.” His eyes sank and he bit his lip.</p><p class="p1">“As easy as it would be, Brandon, to just jump into something,” you reasoned, “I just got out of a relationship, and besides that, we don’t really know each other at all. We know each other’s names and we’ve only met barely a handful of times. Let’s just start there - getting to know one another. I’d be okay with that if you are.” He was still looking down at his plate but a grin tugged at the corners of his mouth.</p><p class="p1">“Now you say something.” You followed that by finally taking a bite of your meal. It was starting to cool off after your lengthy conversation.</p><p class="p1">“I’m okay with that.” He met your eyes as he spoke, his smile widening. Seeing him like that, and knowing that he was on the same page as you, twirled your insides. For the first time in a while you could say you were genuinely happy.</p><p class="p1">The two of you switched gears after that, finishing your food and engaging in light conversation. You asked about his hockey career and what Winnipeg was like. He asked what you do for work, so you told him you worked at a local flooring company’s showroom. You joked that it wasn’t nearly as exciting as playing hockey must be. You both shared some funny stories from growing up, a few of your other interests and hobbies, and where you like to vacation. Nothing complicated.</p><p class="p1">The time passed and soon it was dark outside. Brandon settled the bill, and you still protested, but he won that battle yet again. The two of you rose from your seats and headed to the door to leave. Brandon held the door open, and cradled your elbow with his hand as you walked out of the restaurant. It sent tingles throughout your whole body.</p><p class="p1">Once outside you started walking slowly towards the corner of the alley you came through from Market Square earlier.</p><p class="p1">“Hey, do you wanna take a walk?”, you asked without a thought. You were enjoying his company and quite frankly didn’t feel like going back to your apartment yet.</p><p class="p1">“Of course,” he answered. “I haven’t seen much of the city outside my hotel room yet.”</p><p class="p1">“No? What have you been doing this whole time,” you followed up. He chuckled and put his hands in his pockets.</p><p class="p1">“I’ve just been kept busy one way or another.” He continued his slow pace beside you, shrugging his shoulders. “I was looking for a place, found one, so I’ve been getting my stuff moved in. Then practices, strength and conditioning training, media stuff. I’ve been spending time with some of the guys too, they’ve had me over for dinner. I guess I’m so spent after it all that I just play video games or sleep or talk to my family.”</p><p class="p1">“And you said your family lives in Toronto?”</p><p class="p1">“Yeah, my parents do. My brother lives in Vancouver; he actually plays for the Canucks,” he replied.</p><p class="p1">“Forgive me,” you queried. “They’re a hockey team, right?” He threw his head back with a bellied laugh.</p><p class="p1">“Yeah,” he confirmed. He looked over at you next to him. “You must watch enough hockey if you know that.” You smiled.</p><p class="p1">“I’m pretty sure I’ve been to a Pens game where they’ve played the Canucks. It sounded familiar. Otherwise I’d be clueless,” you joked.</p><p class="p1">You and Brandon crossed a few intersections as you continued to talk, walking without a destination, and you found yourselves nearing the Point. A breeze picked up as you arrived at the open park and a few cars rushed by on the highway overpass above you. Crossing into the park to the right, you walked along a path between some trees, the summer air rattling the leaves slightly. Muffled car horns could also be heard every now and again coming from the city center.</p><p class="p1">As you both meandered through the park you began to play a game of “Would You Rather” to step away from the more serious parts of your conversation. You reached the fountain at the tip of the Point and sat side by side on the edge of the fountain. The water feature roared behind you and brought you to a comfortable silence. The lights on the hills around the city twinkled in the river and for a while you stayed seated together, simply enjoying each others company.</p><p class="p1">You began to sense something was near your hand, which was resting beside you on the cement pad of the fountain’s edge. You looked down between yourself and Brandon. He had his arms angled back to prop himself up as he sat, and his fingers were just barely touching yours. Looking up, you gazed at his silhouette, softly aglow from the surrounding lights. The corner of his mouth was turned up ever so slightly; he had a look of content. Perhaps he was deep in thought about the evening with you, or about training camp, or he was just enjoying the present moment. He noticed your stare and turned his head towards you, but you quickly let your eyes flit away to play it off that you weren’t staring. You couldn’t play it off for long, and you drew your eyes back onto Brandon, who was still holding his gaze on your face.</p><p class="p1">“What?”, you asked, feeling warmth rise to your cheeks. The smile pulled stronger along his face up to his eyes.</p><p class="p1">“You tell me,” he chortled. “I saw what you were doing.”</p><p class="p1">“And what was I doing?”</p><p class="p1">“Taking in the view,” he quipped. He modeled his face and body with his hand like a game show assistant. That drew a hearty laugh out of you.</p><p class="p1">“So maybe I was,” you hinted, beaming. There was a pause while your eyes stayed fixed on one another. “I had fun tonight, Brandon. I’m…really happy I texted you today. Sorry that it took so long.”</p><p class="p1">“Em, you don’t have to apologize,” he smiled. “You gave me this chance even though I don’t think I deserved it after that night. I thoroughly enjoyed spending time with you this evening.”</p><p class="p1">“Already comfortable enough to call me Em?” You raised your brow. He scratched the back of his neck.</p><p class="p1">“Is…is that okay?” He surveyed your face for approval. You giggled and nodded playfully.</p><p class="p1">“Totally.” A look of relief washed across his face. You sighed. “I’d love to sit here all night but I should probably head home.”</p><p class="p1">Brandon agreed and you hopped off the fountain ledge. He walked alongside you back to the alley at the corner of Fifth Avenue by the restaurant. He hesitated to say goodnight to you there, brushing his hand through his hair.</p><p class="p1">“Can I walk you to your car?”, he offered. Your heart leapt at his invitation.</p><p class="p1">“Oh, uh, you don’t have to,” you protested. “It’s just on the other side of the square here.”</p><p class="p1">“It’s dark though, I’d like to make sure you get there safely,” he countered. You gave him a warm smile.</p><p class="p1">“If you insist, then I would like that.”</p><p class="p1">“I do.” You motioned to the alleyway and he followed your lead. You didn’t realize it but you cupped your hand on Brandon’s elbow as you began walking, only noticing when you felt his arm jump at the contact. He didn’t say anything, but in your peripheral you saw him look down at you warmly. It was comforting, and if it hadn’t been for your firm entreaty at dinner, you might have toyed with the idea of kissing him right there on the spot.</p><p class="p1">Brandon opened the door for you when you reached the elevator lobby for the parking garage. You got a lift right away, pressing the floor number you needed to get to. The doors slid open on your level and he trailed right behind you, this time placing his hand on your arm. You turned around to face him once you reached your car.</p><p class="p1">“Well this is me.” He dropped his hand back to his side. “Thank you again. I know it’s done and over but you didn’t have to buy my dinner tonight, I owe you-“</p><p class="p1">“Em, please, I wanted to do that for you,” he maintained. You stepped closer to him and lifted yourself up on your toes, placed a hand on his shoulder and kissed his cheek. Your face lingered close to his for a moment, as if magnetized. You pulled away and his wide eyes flitted back and forth between yours with desire. Before it could get any further you backed up and reached in your bag for your keys.</p><p class="p1">“Goodnight, Brandon,” you said. You pressed the button on your fob and opened the door. You hesitated when you began to climb in, turning back around to look at him. “Can I drive you back to your hotel?”</p><p class="p1">Brandon smiled sweetly and shook his head. “You get on home, I’ll take the walk back.”</p><p class="p1">“You sure?”</p><p class="p1">“Yes, thank you.” His gaze was filled with what you could only describe as a combination of love and sadness. You were sure that he wanted nothing more than to take you back to his hotel with him, but he respected you enough to maintain the boundaries you set as much as it killed him to.</p><p class="p1">“Will you text me when you’ve made it back to your room, then?” As much as he wanted to know you were safe, you wanted to know he was too.</p><p class="p1">“I will.”</p><p class="p1">“Let’s do this again,” you invited. His eyes twinkled, smile widening. “See ya when I’m lookin’ at ya.” You sat down in your car and shut the door. The engine came to life and you pulled out of the parking spot to begin to spiral down the parking ramps onto the street. Brandon appeared in your rearview, a hand in one pocket and the other one in the air for a small wave at you.</p><p class="p1">Your night with Brandon had flown by and you dreamed about doing it all again. You had just hopped onto the 376 after navigating the city streets when your phone lit on your dashboard. Brandon’s text.</p><p class="p1">
  <em>Back in the room now. drive safe. let me know when you’re home.</em>
</p><p class="p1">The rest of the drive was excruciatingly long. You hated the idea now of being alone in your apartment when you could someday have Brandon there with you. To spend the night. To touch him again. To kiss him. To hold him. To be held. Your mind raced through all these desires and thought how easy it would be to turn your car around, drive downtown again and text Brandon that you were in the lobby of his hotel. You teased yourself with that idea for some time, coming up with scenarios of how it would play out and what you wanted him to do to you.</p><p class="p1">Your apartment was pitch black when you finally made it upstairs. In your haste to meet Brandon you had forgotten to leave a light on for yourself. The cupcakes you baked just hours before still sat on the countertop in your kitchen. You hadn’t bothered to make the frosting because you knew you would be too shaky to frost them out of excitement for the evening ahead of you. You decided you’d package them up tonight and make frosting tomorrow. That reminded you, too, that you needed to text Brandon that you made it home.</p><p class="p4">
  <em>Just got into my apartment. thanks for the message earlier.</em>
</p><p class="p1">You set your phone down, forcing your legs to carry you into the bathroom to take off your makeup and get ready for bed, though you doubted that you’d be able to sleep. Realizing there was only one way to expend your pent up “energy”, you decided you’d get back to using your vibrator that had been kind of neglected since your breakup. You collected your phone again from the kitchen and saw that Brandon had responded.</p><p class="p1">
  <em>Glad you’re home safe. can’t wait to see you again. night em.</em>
</p><p class="p1">A delightful shiver coursed through your body.</p><p class="p4">
  <em>I’m looking forward to that too. night brandon.</em>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>This was probably the quickest update I put together. I was so excited to have Brandon come back full-time into the story. It's kind of mushy but necessary. Hope you like it and thanks again for reading!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
</body>
</html>